Creative Writing · Life

The Shadow Self

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Have you ever wanted to run away from life? I have gotten so close to just selling everything and buying a little bungalow somewhere in South America. I have wanted to disappear and lose myself in a place unknown. I’ve been on a spiritual journey for 3 years now and within that time, I’ve found myself battling my demons, my ego and my emotions. I’ve had to let go of people I love so I could better understand myself.

Growing up, we are all greatly influenced. If we grow up thinking one way because of said influence, it’s hard for us to think for ourselves. We are programmed to think a certain way and it’s incredibly difficult for many people to re-program themselves.

The biggest thing to know about this journey is that I call myself out on my bullshit A LOT. I know I’m not perfect and I’m not trying to be but there’s a beautiful understanding that I am making progress every single day. I am removing the old blocks and beginning to think for myself. Sure, there’s still experiences I choose to experience but that doesn’t mean I’ve fallen back into those programs.

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The shadow self, or ego, has been acting up a lot for me recently. It is quite a mean little entity that haunts every step I take or decision I make. It’s been taking control over me so I feel powerless. I will speak words that I KNOW aren’t Truth but I speak them anyway because ego has a hold of me. I have gotten jealous, angry and controlling because of “insecurities.” That subject is a whole other blog post I will write. I always make an effort to be present and fully aligned with Truth and Love but sometimes, my ego jumps in and it’s like I become a completely different person. In those moments of animosity, I feel as though I am just observing myself reacting and not able to do anything about it. It is honestly such an incredible and terrifying feeling knowing your Higher Self (soul), is completely different from the ego. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, “two-faced.”

Now, many people when they hear “ego” think of someone with a confidence that’s arrogant. The ego is actually everything negative and programmed about us. You become jealous? Ego. You become controlling? Ego. This is why it’s been given the alternative name of “shadow self.” It’s not fun and it dulls the bright light within us.

Progress is success to me and I value every moment that I am able to be my True, Authentic Self with the world. I am so thankful that I can think for myself and can identify blocks that make it difficult to feel good. And, I am thankful that I know I can remove these blocks. In the end, it’s what I choose. And I choose Love.

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♥ Positive Affirmation ♥

  • I love choosing Love over fear every moment
  • I love feeling fully aligned with Truth and Love
  • I am so happy that great things are on their way to me right now
  • I am in full awareness of my life in every moment
  • I love feeling present and appreciating everything around me (the grass, this ladybug, the bird)
  • I am Love
  • I am Light
  • I radiate Love everywhere I go and help others feel positive

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