Chapter One – Learning.
Here it goes.
The beginning of a new story.
I am writing this for me.
This is intimate and personal, but it’s where I want to write and maybe others can find solace in my story.
My name is Rhiannon Skye and I am currently experiencing a huge shift in my life. I just recently went through a breakup and it’s having a much different effect on me than what many would think. It was not a hate infused break that shattered our hearts into pieces, but it was filled with Love.
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I’ve always loved the ocean and in fact, have always felt a pull to it. I have actually experienced some strong experiences there on the beach. It’s where I threw away my promise ring from my first love. I threw it out into the waters and watched the moon for a while, willing him from my mind. It’s also where I read the words of a breakup email back in August. I screamed into the night sky and sank to the sand, feeling broken and scared; lost and confused. It wasn’t until that tie was cut that I had realized many things about myself. It is unfortunate that this breakup needed to happen for me to see these things since these were the things he tried telling me for so long. I just wasn’t hearing him.
I am going to share with you what I’ve learned so far since I lost him. I’ve already scribbled some of it down in my journal and it honestly brings me a sense of peace. I want to share it because you might be going through the very same thing and I hope I can help you feel just a little better.
Loving Myself For Who/What I Am – Along the way, I stopped seeing all of my good qualities. I stopped looking in the mirror and smiling at the eyes staring back. I would criticize my body for all of the things I didn’t like instead of praising all of the things I did. I lost touch with my Higher Self and the fact that I am one with everyone and everything. Losing myself ultimately caused me to lose the man I wanted to spend the rest of this life with and longer. Being separated has given me a lot of alone time and in this time, I have found the parts of myself that I had lost and it feels absolutely wonderful. I’m dancing around my bedroom again, feeling passionate about what I’m doing and feeling my heart expand. It’s very blissful to be connected to me again and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to do so.
Letting Go Of Ridiculous Fears – This one honestly makes me giggle because I had some really weird fears and I let them control me. Little things from driving his truck to riding a bike down to Golden. Like, why? What happened to me? I love riding bikes, damn.
Anyway, I dug up all of the fears and I laid them out before me one night in a meditation. I saw them so clearly for what they were and now had absolute clarity. Allowing fear to control me was only hurting me and hurting my relationship. Now looking back, it’s funny what little things I became hesitant with. That was never me before and I realized that while I was truly unraveling my ego, it was fighting to control me and it did. It took hold of me and made me act out and overthink. I am no longer afraid of the very things that destroyed me. I forgave them and let them go because believe it or not, they did serve me because they brought me here.
Love Is All That Matters – People tend to allow themselves to become triggered with the smallest things. These are the things that don’t really matter. Thinking back to the things that bothered me, I now know that they were not worth it. Nothing was worth losing him. Whenever you get angry at your lover for something, please stop and think: is it worth it? Think of everything you love about them and how amazing they make you feel. Think of if you lost them…would that little thing matter then? Or would you take it back in a heartbeat? Moving forward with my life and future relationships, I will live by this. Love is everything.
Choose Happiness – This is so important. What makes you happy? Do that, be that. It’s really that simple even though it might have been so hard to see at the time. Trust me…lol I get it. I stopped choosing happiness and it destroyed me. I enjoyed playing the victim too much instead of actually facing the fact that I have the power to choose how I feel.
Stop Making Excuses – There’s not much to say about this one other than just to stop. Don’t give your power away by making excuses. If something isn’t resonating with you, don’t lie or feel powerless. Just be real and honest.
I’m excited for this growth and I know that I will use this to create a beautiful, wonderful life. Whether we find each other again or not, I know I will be okay. I love being with someone and I look forward to experiencing it again but for now, I have been focusing on me.
I know I’ll look back on this and smile. Oh, how I’d love to see where I will be five years from now. But surprisingly, I’m comfortable with the mystery because I know that possibilities are endless. I will never run out of doors and opportunities and that keeps my head up and legs moving.
• xoxo •